Try to Remember, Forget

I've been meaning to create one of these for a while now. I doubt anyone I know is ever going to read these, so I'm just going to pour it all out online. It's safer than keeping it in a notebook or written journal or something. Maybe a random person will find this online and comment on it. I could use the advice.

Last night reaffirmed my belief that I'm detaching myself from everyone. I keep trying to justify it by saying I'm just trying to find myself after moving back home from Miami. That's a lie. I haven't known who I was since Junior year of High School, and even then I thought I was finding myself.

Great, she just texted me. God that's a book in itself. I think I may still be a little drunk from last night.

There were two parties last night. One was at AC's and the other was at Bob's, a five minute walk from each other. I told Nick I'd drive him and play pong with him all night at the parties. Nick was celebrating Thanksgiving with his mom so I told him to call me when he was ready to go. I met Lauren and Carrie at Zen and Now and had a couple cups of coffee with a lot of cream. Then I drove to Nick's and found Pete Lind and some Ben guy. I drove them to get beer and then dropped Pete and Ben back at their cars and waited for Dave to get there. Meanwhile Kristina was parking by AC's and thought I'd be up there but I wasn't even close. She drove home and texted me throughout the night trying to meet up, but to no avail. When Dave arrived the three of us got in my car and I picked up some Justin guy. We took the long way to Clifton and a swarm of friends surround my car while we're picking up rachel. She gets in and we finally get to AC's.
When we opened the wooden gate to his property, there was a sea of high school kids. I made my way down to the basement, paid five bucks for a cup and started drinking. Didn't get very far. A few minutes after arriving, the cops showed up when we were outside smoking cigs. Five squad cars? Followed the sea of high school kids off of the property, broke free of them and met up with Doug, Pete and some others. Walked to Bob's.
Couldn't walk more than 5 feet without someone pulling me aside and saying hi. Sounds great, gets annoying quick. Made my way to the basement, Joe calls me as beer pong partner. Get on in front of people waiting to play. Thanks Joe. He grabs the pitcher from one of the other pong tables while they're using it, and fills our cups up. We lose. See Cory on the stairs, make my way through people hugging me and grab him for a cig. People I haven't seen since childhood show up. Get Ian's number, says his roommates in Chicago are loaded and he has connections at all the bars. Tells me to call him next time I'm there for a party and a place to stay. Rachel makes her way to Bob's from AC's and tags along for a while. Keg runs out early, thank god for Quenton's bottle of liquor.
Walk around the party, talk to people. Run out of cigs eventually. Bum some from Cory while he's successfully convincing some girl to punch him in the face. Girl named Amanda swears she's met me before at a Halloween party- could be true. Wants me to come back in 15 seconds to use a cheesy pick-up line on her. I say ok and walk off. See her an hour later in the kitchen, calls me out on not coming back to her. I call her a slut in front of half the party. Walk downstairs. Everyone's drunk and I walk with AC back to his house for a small after party.
Cops cleared out, second keg is pretty much full. Win three games of beer pong with Dave against some bros. Bum a cig off of AC, make myself throw up while I'm out back. Walk back inside, see the twentieth random hookup between random friends of the night. Pour a shot of Jose for me and Justin, then another of some red stuff. Justin bails to throw up. I strap myself to the keg and drink out of the nozzle for the next hour and watch them play pong. Two small guys lift me for a keg stand. Beer is cold, brain freeze. AC goes to bed, random roommate kicks us out eventually. Cory calls. Dave and I walk to Kelly's to pass out. Jess meets up with us for the walk back. People point out that I ripped my shirt.
Get to Kelly's, bum another cig. Realize that I should really buy more than one pack when I go out. Go upstairs. I call Jess' bed. She doesn't need it, on the couch with Garrett making out. Dave sleeps on the floor in the other room. I give him a blanket. Cory and Kelly are probably doing it in the bed next to the one I'm sleeping in. I grab the laptop and switch through songs. This situation has happened a couple times now. Kelly tells me to keep it down because I'm singing along to sad songs. I pass out with my hands on the keyboard.
Nick calls in the morning. I ignore it, too early, too drunk to care. Ten minutes later Dave wakes me up. We meet Nick and Justin at my car. Drive the fast way home. iPod died, radio sucked. Eventually sobered up and was pissed that my good shirt was ripped.